


Strewn with Time's Dead Flowers

by Nokomis



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: AU, Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-26
Updated: 2012-03-26
Packaged: 2017-11-02 13:52:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/369697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nokomis/pseuds/Nokomis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Paranormal investigators Gerard and Mikey Way arrive in Forks looking for werewolves, but find something entirely different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strewn with Time's Dead Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a challenge/request by Rainpuddle13.

“Fuck yeah, werewolves!” Gerard drummed his thumbs on the wheel as he took the exit towards Forks. “This is going to be way more exciting than those fake poltergeists we keep dealing with.”

“Are we prepared to deal with werewolves?” Mikey asked, leaning between the bucket seats to check on Bunny in her carrier. “I mean, silver bullets aren’t easy to come by.”

“We’re not going to kill anyone,” Gerard replied. “We’re just going to do some research. See what the locals have to say. Find out if these Quileute legends have any truth to them.”

“I still don’t think this is really our field,” Mikey said doubtfully. “There aren’t going to be werewolves out in Bumfuck, Washington. We’re just going to end up in some _Children of the Corn_ shit.”

“Mikey, we’re _paranormal investigators,_ ” Gerard stressed. “Werewolves are exactly our field. And Bumfuck, Washington is exactly where werewolves _would_ be. You saw those legends. They were verified through several sources.”

Mikey rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, typing ferociously. Gerard figured he was probably reporting back to the guys back at headquarters, letting them know exactly how pointless this journey was. Gerard didn’t mind, he had a good feeling about this. He was going to find some goddamn werewolves and he would finally put to rest the Lon Cheney Jr and Michael J. Fox-style wolf man vs the authentic wolf argument that had been raging within their group for years.

Forks, it turned out, was a dreary place. Gerard didn’t normally focus on the weather, but judging from the grey pallor of the waterlogged town, the rain was probably not going to abate any time soon. 

“Do you think werewolves need to _see_ the moon in order to change?” he asked, and Mikey shrugged.

They hit up the local diner first, obstinately to question the locals but really because both of them were starting to feel twitchy from lack of coffee. Mikey reluctantly left Bunny in the car as they tried to get a feel for the town. None of the locals reacted to their questions about wolf sightings, though one gruff old man did snort and tell them the only unusual thing they’d see in those woods were ‘the Cullens.’

Afterwards they checked into the motel Ray had booked for them, Mikey letting Bunny out of her travel case to eye the room suspiciously. 

“I still don’t think you should have brought the cat,” Gerard said. He’d been given some sort of anti-allergy potion by a healer Bob knew, but that didn’t make him any less wary of Mikey’s oddly mannered cat.

“Cats can sense the otherworldly!” Mikey protested, just like he had a dozen times in the car. “And besides, she and Piglet were fighting again.”

*

When they returned to town, the rain had slowed to a drizzle, so they decided to check a few places out before heading out to find the Quileute reservation. The town showed none of the outward signs places normally did when there were rumors of supernatural beings – no emphasis on wolves in the decorations, no tourist traps catering to the legend, nada. 

Gerard didn’t like to be hasty, but so far this town was looking as devoid of supernatural activity as Mikey had grumblingly insisted on the entire drive out here.

They stopped at what seemed to be the only gas station in town on their way out to visit the reservation. Mikey went inside to buy candy and cigarettes while Gerard filled up the Trans Am, and he was just topping off when a zippy silver car pulled in beside him. A preppy blond dude got out -- Gerard kind of felt like A.C. Slater because he could only think of the guy as ‘Preppy’ – and began to fill up his tank. A gorgeous girl got out and went inside, and Gerard couldn’t help but think how out of place the two looked in this town.

There was a break in the clouds, and Gerard could swear…

Preppy’s hand _glittered_.

Gerard stared.

Preppy didn’t seem to notice at first, but then slowly raised his eyes to meet Gerard’s.

Gerard tried to play it off like he hadn’t noticed that the dude’s skin was freaking sparkling, but he’d never really been great at keeping his emotions under wrap. He tried to force his expression into wide-eyed innocence, but judging from Preppy’s weird expression he probably looked like he had just gotten shocked. He opened his mouth to say something – he wasn’t sure what, he figured _anything_ had to be better than standing there like a doofus – when Preppy’s girl stuck her head out the door and called, “Carlisle, they don’t have the adaptor you wanted.”

Carlisle turned and said, “That’s fine, Esme,” all calm and collected, and Gerard took the opportunity to turn his full attention on the gas pump. He felt like there were eyes on him, but he didn’t look up, just waited for the handle to click as he stared at his grimy Converse.

Finally, he heard their car doors shut and the engine start with a soft purr, and he glanced their way as they peeled out. Gerard didn’t see any more sparkles, but he did notice that they had local plates.

When Mikey got out to the car with a big bag stuffed with junk food, Gerard was leaning against the hood nervously smoking a cigarette. He stubbed it out when he saw his brother and hopped inside.

“Did you notice anything weird about that woman who went in the convenience store?” Gerard asked.

“Other than the fact she was creepily perfect? No,” Mikey replied, ripping open a bag of Sour Patch Kids.

She hadn’t sparkled, then. Gerard decided to wait on sharing what he’d seen. Maybe it’d been a trick of light! Because insofar as he knew sparkling wasn’t a trait associated with _any_ supernatural creature.

Gerard took a deep breath and started the engine.

*

The drive to the reservation was uneventful. Gerard fully expected to get stonewalled at the questions he was asking, but instead got directed to Billy Black, who easily shared the tribe’s wolf-related legends.

When Gerard asked if any of it was true, Billy just laughed and said, “Do you think I’d be telling you if it were?”

Gerard had heard stranger stories from stranger people. He just thanked Billy for his time, then paused, remembering one of the comments he’d heard at the diner. “Who are the Cullens?”

Billy froze, then laughed nervously. “Where’d you hear about them?”

“Guy at the diner said they were the only weird thing in the woods,” Mikey provided. “You’ve heard of them?”

“Everyone’s heard of them,” Billy said. “But they’re nothing unusual. Carlisle and his brood just keep to themselves. They’re, you know, what they call rich crazies. Eccentric. Nothing more.”

Gerard could tell that Billy was fighting the urge to tell them not to seek out the Cullens, which only made Gerard more curious.

He thanked Billy for his time and they left.

*

“What’s got you spooked?” Mikey asked as soon as they got back to the Trans Am. Mikey had an uncanny ability to pinpoint exactly what Gerard was feeling, even when, like right now, he hadn’t even realized he was spooked.

“I saw something weird at the gas station,” Gerard replied. “That blond-ass couple? The dude’s hand _glittered_.”

“Lots of people like arts and crafts,” Mikey said. “I’m thinking about making a spice rack for my creamers.”

“It wasn’t actual glitter,” Gerard explained. “It was like his skin was sparkly.”

He felt like an idiot even as the words came out of his mouth, and as expected Mikey raised an eyebrow at him.

“Like Tinkerbell?”

“I don’t know! It was sparkly, okay, that’s what I saw,” Gerard said. “When the sun hit him he fucking sparkled like he was Dazzler or some shit. But the important part is that the lady he was with called him ‘Carlisle.’”

“Like the Cullens we’re not supposed to be looking for,” Mikey said.

“So what if werewolves aren’t what’s creeping up this town?”

“You think Forks is inhabited with sparkle-monsters,” Mikey said flatly. 

“Not nearly as weird as those brain-things we found in the North Carolina sewers!” Gerard protested.

Mikey ignored him and took out his phone, and a second later Frank was on speakerphone laughing his ass off. 

“I know what I saw!” Gerard said, pouting and attempting to concentrate on driving.

“You sure he didn’t just fingerbang a stripper?” Frank asked.

“He wasn’t covered in glitter, dammit, he sparkled!” Gerard’s voice was getting squeaky and defensive and that just made Mikey and Frank giggle more.

“You be careful not to get any pixie dust on you,” Frank chortled.

Gerard just muttered, “Fuck you guys,” as he pulled into the motel parking lot.

*

After the initial bout of teasing died out, they set to work doing online research on the Cullens and Forks in general, branching out form the werewolf-focused searches they’d done prior to arriving.

No information emerged on sparkle-monsters, but it became quickly apparent that there was, in fact, something off about the Cullens. 

“None of this adds up,” Mikey said, squinting at the screen. “No records of adoption, yet the school contact information clearly says they’re all adopted.”

“Maybe they’re a weird religious cult,” Gerard suggested, doodling on a sketchpad as he tried to work out the tangled mess of names and dates to figure out a timeline for the Cullen family. 

“Or a free love hippie commune,” Mikey said. “I bet those places use a lot of glitter.”

Gerard threw a paper wad at him, and Mikey tried and failed to block the attack. It bounced off his forehead, and Bunny chased it around the room.

“There’s definitely something going on there,” Gerard mused. “Should we go out there tomorrow?”

Mikey nodded. “I have to see what they turn out to be.”

*

The Cullens, true to town gossip, lived out in the woods. 

Gerard didn’t know what he was expecting. A creepy falling down cabin, maybe, or even some Victorian monstrosity of a farmhouse. Instead there was a modern window-filled house set deep in the woods, with a giant garage. It was far swankier than anything else he’d seen in this town, which in itself was suspicious.

“Where’s their money coming from?” Mikey asked. “You think they’re crooks?”

“Or something,” Gerard said. “One doctor’s salary will not pay for all this.”

They sat there. 

“Should we go knock?” Mikey asked.

“There are like five people watching us,” Gerard said. They stared at the house some more. 

“Should we flip them off or something? Get them to come to us?”

“I think we probably shouldn’t piss off the mystery beasts,” Gerard replied. He opened the door, and they went to the front door.

It opened before they could ring the bell. A blonde glared at them before snipping, “What are you doing on our property?”

“We’re conducting an investigation,” Gerard said. “We’d like to ask a few questions.”

“We wouldn’t like to answer any,” the blonde replied. She was as pale as everyone else in the dreary town, but there was something a little too perfect about how she looked. It was the same overly perfect look as Carlisle and Esme at the gas station, Gerard realized.

A muscular guy who looked more like a football player than anything came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. “You two need to leave.”

“We’d just like to ask a few questions,” Mikey repeated. People usually responded well to repeated questions.

The two didn’t budge. 

They tried a few more times, but to no avail. Stonewalled to a standstill, they left.

*

“That was a weird response,” Gerard said.

“And weirdly neither of them glittered,” Mikey replied. “I think they’re just shady people, not sparkle monsters. Alas!”

“They didn’t even ask what we were investigating!” Gerard said, flapping his hands. “We could have been trying to help out baby deer or orphans or fluffy bunnies or something!”

“Because we look like fluffy bunny investigators,” Mikey said, spinning his spoon around in his coffee cup.

Gerard snorted. “Bunnicula, maybe.”

“See, that’s it,” Mikey said. “They could be sparkly vampires! Trying to lure us in with their glittery good looks.”

Gerard snorted into his coffee before saying gravely, “If only it was that simple, Robin.”

“Holy glittering undead, Batman,” Mikey replied. “Let’s go fight some crime.”

The door of the diner banged open and a girl tripped on her way in, sprawling over the floor. Mikey and Gerard paused to help her up, waving in response to her frustrated, “Thanks, I do that all the time,” as they left.

*

When they got back to the motel, there seemed to be something slightly _off_ about the room.

“I think someone broke in,” Mikey said, watching as Bunny sniffed her way across the floor like a bloodhound, clearly disturbed about something. “Bunny’s acting weird.”

“Bunny’s always weird,” Gerard said, unsurprised that a cat that was regularly walked on a leash would start to act like a dog in other ways. “All our stuff is still here.”

Mikey didn’t look convinced as they packed up their stuff. They planned on swinging by the reservation again in the morning before they left, to see if they could find out any more info on the werewolves Gerard was pretty sure didn’t exist around here or the mysterious Cullens.

Gerard wanted to _know_ what was up with them, but there were other more pressing investigations going on and he couldn’t justify spending more time trying to find out why a dude’s hand had been sparkly.

They called back to headquarters and then settled in for a movie and reality tv marathon. They were just getting to the good part, watching Bruce Campbell go up against a demon, when Bunny arched her back and started to hiss.

Then Gerard heard the doorknob rattle.

He was a professional investigator so he didn’t shriek like a girl and clutch his pillow to his bosom, _at all_ , so what Mikey told Frank on the phone later were nothing but vile lies.

Gerard grabbed the nearest weapon – a heavy flashlight – while Mikey armed himself with the coffee pot.

“How is that going to help?” Gerard hissed.

“This shit can scald,” Mikey said, waving his hand. The coffee sloshed dangerously. 

The door knob suddenly twisted with a breaking sound, and the door slammed open.

Three figures strode in, dramatic and back-lit by the lights in the parking lot. Gerard clicked on the flashlight out of instinct and let out a triumphant “Ha!” when he saw sparkles.

He turned to Mikey, excited. “I told you so!”

“Huh,” Mikey said, tilting his head a little. “They definitely glittered.” 

“You need to leave Forks,” announced the handsome one in the center. A pixie like girl drifted around the room, and an uncomfortable looking guy stood stiffly by the door.

“Are you mutants?” Gerard replied.

“No,” replied the handsome one, affronted.

“Dazzler theory shot down,” Mikey whispered. 

Gerard moved on to the next theory. “Fairies?”

“Hey!” said the uncomfortable one.

“Edward, Jasper,” said the girl gently. “I don’t see any danger from them.”

“Of course they’re a danger, Alice, they’ve seen what we are,” Edward announced sternly.

Jasper nodded.

“But they don’t _know_ ,” Alice said.

Bunny twined around Mikey’s legs and glared balefully at the intruders. Gerard was worried that they were going to have to pay for the damage to the door. The three didn’t seem interested in harvesting their organs or anything else violent, and instead seemed to deal more in disapproving glares and vague statements.

He wondered if they were the first who’d noticed they were… different. Surely not, but they were disorganized enough it was the only real reason he could think of.

“Look, we don’t even know what you are. We’re just investigating the area for paranormal activity and you all were, well, weird enough for us to look in to,” Gerard said. He looked pointedly at the broken doorknob.

“We are no threat,” Alice said.

“Us either,” Mikey said, still holding the coffee pot awkwardly.

They all shifted uncomfortably as they looked around the motel room. On the tv Bruce Campbell kicked ass. Gerard reached down and scratched behind Bunny’s ears, forgetting that Bunny had a vendetta against him because she found his sneezes in her presence offensive.

Bunny scratched his hand, and he yelped, “Ouch!” as blood welled up.

He looked up just in time to see Jasper go apeshit, snarling and baring his teeth and clearly clamoring for Gerard’s blood, even as Alice and Edward held him at bay.

“Holy fuckeroni,” Mikey said, watching Jasper with interest. “I think they’re _vampires_.”

“How fucking awesome,” Gerard said, sticking his scratched hand in his mouth and sucking away the blood on instinct. This seemed to calm Jasper down, and he looked embarrassed as Edward let him go. Alice kept a tight grip on him, though she seemed more consoling than controlling.

“But they were out in daylight,” Mikey said, sounding disappointed.

Gerard looked at them hopefully, hoping for information.

“Leave Forks,” Edward repeated. “For your own good.”

He didn’t seem interested in explaining why they were sparkly or how they could go out in the daytime.

“But…” Gerard started. The three vampires (vampires! Seriously, vampires!) turned to leave. “You can’t just drop that bombshell and _leave_!”

“Tell no one,” Jasper managed to get out as they left the room, leaving the door ajar so Gerard and Mikey could see their Volvo drive off seconds later.

Gerard turned to Mikey. “ _Vampires!_ ”

“ _I know_ ,” Mikey said, delighted.

“So much better than werewolves!”

*

They did the follow up interview with Billy Black, but after the revelation from the night before, the thought of unconfirmed werewolf myths weren’t satisfying.

On their way out of town they spotted Edward, but he obstinately didn’t look in their direction. Gerard considered slowing. He had more questions than answers, even with the tingly thrill of knowing vampires were real, especially concerning their propensity towards daylight wanderings and the whole sparkle thing, but he knew when he’d pressed his luck too far.

“We have a good basis on where to look for more info now,” he told Mikey.

Mikey glanced out the window at Edward. “The reality is definitely weirder than the movies.”

“I know!” Gerard was practically vibrating in his seat with excitement. “Frank’s gonna be so pissed that vampires aren’t all like Bela Lugosi.”

Mikey grinned and put on Bauhaus in response.

THE END.


End file.
